I woke up this morning at 8:30am because that's when my alarm went off. I had my doctors appointment at 10am and it was only half an hour away but I got up anyway, showered, got dressed and headed to the doctor. It was all the way in Fountain Valley which according to the doctor is pretty far away. To me it didn't seem like it though.
I got to the office at 930 and the receptionist took all my info. She mentioned that my deductible was very high and I said yes, yes it was. After about 20 min she slapped on a coat and said she was going to see me now. It was kind of funny that the doctor was also the receptionist. I should have freaked out but I didn't really care. She asked me questions and asked me what was wrong. I pretty much told her what I had talked about yesterday on this here awesome blog. She seemed to change her mind about what could be wrong with me but, after answering some questionnaires to determine my levels of serotonin or whatever, she determined the following:
- What ever I have isn't necessarily happening in my body but probably my mind.
- I am not depressed.
- I have mild anxiety.
- It could be a thyroid issue.
- I might have high blood pressure.
- My birth control is making me break out.
So, she I was prescribed some medication for anxiety cuz apparently the symptoms I am exhibiting are classic symptoms for anxiety. She said that it could be a thyroid issue as well so she sent me to the downstairs offices to get some blood drawn for some blood work. They are going to check for about 6 different things, one of which is my cholesterol cuz that might be the reason for my high blood pressure. She also asked me to monitor my blood pressure because it could just be high due to being at the doctor.
I went down stairs with my prescription, literature on how to cope with anxiety, and a form to take to the vampires (blood tester). The pharmacists were pretty funny and completely inappropriate. I went into the room to get my blood drawn, the guy was matter of fact. I was done with the whole doctor visit in a little more than half an hour. I was home by 11am.
Being diagnosed as having mild anxiety honestly doesn't surprise me. It makes a lot of sense. It all goes back to that crippling fear of throwing up and being sick. Thinking about it just makes me freak out and like I said yesterday, it's just a vicious cycle. I told the doctor about what happened at the Dodgers game and she said that I had a panic attack. WHAT? I've never had a panic attack before! I've never felt like I did that day but OH MAN, I never want to feel like that again. Just imagine being freaked out and afraid in a stadium filled with literally thousands of people! I was trapped and all i wanted to do was go home. It also makes sense that I always feel better when I'm at home because it's safe to me. Nothing and no one can hurt me here.
So today after taking a little nap, Vince and I went to have lunch before he went to work. We went to corner bakery and I had soup. This is the first time I've been out in public since the panic attack on Tuesday. I felt fine when I got in the car, but half way to the restaurant I started getting the dry mouth again. I told myself to calm down and I concentrated on my breathing. We got to the restaurant, ordered and began eating. I only felt a little sick but the more I ate the better I felt. The sickness came and went like waves but it was nothing like the past weekend. I finished quickly and then drove towards home. I decided to stop by CVS to purchase a blood pressure machine. The doctor suggested I get one and take my blood pressure throughout the day because she felt that I might not have high blood pressure so she wasn't going to prescribe me blood pressure medicine. So I went to CVS, got that thing then walked over to Ralphs to get some healthy snacks for work. I made it all the way back home without feeling sick.
That was a great victory for me today! I know that all this is mostly in my head. My mind tends to sway towards the negative constantly, so I'm always bringing myself down for one reason or another. It was suggested that I get rid of the things that cause me anxiety. The main reason for my anxiety that I can think of is my car. OH.MY.GOD you guys. I HATE IT. Every time I get in it I think it's gonna fall apart on me and I'm gonna crash on the freeway. It kind of makes sense that the first time I felt sick it was inside the car while on the way to work. Well, one of my goals this year is to get a new car, but in order to that I need money, and that is stress number two. I'm a lot better off now that I used to be, by far, but still, I never feel like I have enough to be out of debt. Saving money is goal number two.
It seems like I know what's up with me. The doctor didn't suggest I lose weight or change my eating habits. Since my sickness really didn't have classic upset stomach symptoms like throwing up and actually vomiting, it looks like I might be perfectly healthy, physically anyway. We wont know for sure until Monday when I go and see her again in the afternoon. I hope all goes well! Oh yeah, I took my blood pressure and it seems more normal than at the doctor. When I was in her office it was 142/95, but when I took it at home it was 130/83. It's normal when it's 120/80 so it's not too bad I guess.
Honestly, I hate taking pills. The doctor said that I had to take my anxiety medication every time I started to feel sick to my stomach. But I would rather try a holistic approach since I would rather be healthy on my own than to feel good by taking medicine. I did take a stress management class my first semester at IVC, so I know about all this stuff already! I just need to meditate, breathe and use positive imagery. The mind is a very powerful thing, very VERY powerful. And, I don't want to brag but I am super creative so my brain must be like, super powerful, so all I have to do is change the way I think. Be happy. Be positive! It doesn't matter how horrible today may seem, tomorrow will always be better. You know why? Because you have a new opportunity to MAKE it better. It's all up to YOU... to change your faaaaaate. LOLOL.
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