Twilight

Nimbus has his little kitty paws underneath my closed door. How long can I ignore him before he meows me to death and forces me to let him in? I swear he has super sonic hearing cuz I change the way I breathe and he runs back to the door.

**WARNING** If you are a BOY and don't like Twilight or anything associated with girly mushy feelings of love and wonderment and sparkles then you PROBABLY shouldn't read the rest of this here entry. Just skip to the end.

Any-who, I worked closing projections today which left me alone with my thoughts. So I did a lot of thinking and a bit of reading. I am currently a few chapters away from finishing Twilight. This is the second time (I think or third time) I read the book. Back when I first read it, I was enthralled by the character of Edward and the idea of living in a place that rains constantly (cuz I love rain) and being surrounded by trees and moss and GREEN (cuz I love... green). I was in a different place then, not just physically but mentally. I was eager to escape my reality. So I instantly fell in love with Edward, or the idea of him, of having someone who would love me unconditionally and protect me with his VERY LIFE. But also, I loved that the myths of vampires and wolves crossed the imagination and became tangible in the Twilight universe. It made me feel a little hope that maybe, something magical would happen in MY ordinary and boring life, and change things. And make life bearable again...

Twilight is my least favorite time of day. It has always brought sadness when Im out during twilight. I consciously avoid being outside during that time of day because it depresses me. For some reason it feels hopeless. I have NO idea why it makes me feel this way, it just does. When I finished reading the book it happened to be during twilight, and I felt sad for TWO reasons: The book had ended and I was back to my harsh reality, and the sky was that familiar orange-purple. I immediately forced my mom to buy me the second book so I wouldn't be so sad. She just thought I was crazy.

Now that Im re-reading it it has a completely new feel to it. Im in a different place. The book doesnt have that strange and magical hold on me as it did before, though I still get butterflies in my stomach now and again just like the first time, when I put myself in Bella's place. For a moment I let my imagination run wild and as I walked around the projection booth (or sometimes ran around the projection booth) I realized that something magical DID happen, and my boring life became extraordinary, if only for one reason. If only just for me. And for the first time ever I empathized with Bella (which is HUGE cuz I hated her character) and her struggle and reluctance to accept Edwards love and devotion. Its HARD to decide you SHOULDNT be with a sparkly and utterly handsome vampire just to protect him, and yourself, she did it because she loved him with all her being and had his best interest at heart (as did he for her in New Moon) but when it came down to it, they ended up causing each other more harm, which made me sad. Because I know exactly how she felt. Its a struggle, that's for sure. But one look and a crooked smile later, all the worry, the doubt, everything suddenly becomes brighter... like the color of the setting sun.

**END**

In other news, I changed my flat tire this morning like the burly manly man that I am. I told a couple of the fellas at work and they seemed impressed with my manly prowess, not to mention that incredible bulge I had in my pants which they seemed to approve of. Good thing they didn't know it was just a massive lady boner cuz I was thinking about Edward. If you follow my tweets you probably wonder why Im such a lunatic, but really, it only happens during crescent moons. I was gonna go to San Marcos buuutt certain circumstances prevented me, yet again, to make that trip. So here I sit, debating on whether or not to go to sleep or finish reading. Sleep does sound good, but Edward sounds better. *DROOL* Cue lady boner.

In other news... JAKE SOOLY?! I have a sudden urge to watch Avatar.