I've been trying to type this out for a while now. My annual summer blawg post is something I like to do because I like looking back and remembering the good times I had. In general, my summer's are filled with work, work and more work. This summer was no exception. However, in between working full time and going to summer school, I felt like I did so many fun things! This just goes to show that no matter how busy you are, if you REALLY want to relax and have fun, you can!
It's already September, but it feels like January 1st was yesterday. Time does fly by when you have fun. For me, this year so far has literally been a roller coaster of emotions. I guess, in a morbid way, it made the year less boring. I learned a lot about myself and the people around me. But this post isn't about all that boring mumbo jumbo!
The summer started out with a lot of uncertainty. I took a week off of work and I spent my days at the beach, reading, cleaning and buying things off of Craigslist. I re-decorated my whole apartment, which was fun! I made it girly or as the internet calls it "shabby chic" which is totally my style.
Besides that, I did a LOT of stuff. I went to the beach a lot, watched movies, went to baseball games, went to Coronado for the first time, went to the Video Games Live concert, went to the Griffith Observatory, went on a lot of lunch/dinner dates, hit up Downtown Disney constantly, made a bunch of new friends, went to Medieval Times, went to Vegas, had a fun 4th BBQ, I got a new kitty, had house parties, works parties, and school parties, did I mention pizza parties? I eventually went INSIDE of Disneyland, and finally I moved to GG aka Garden Grove aka Ghetto Grove. I did a lot and it was great!
The best part of the summer was meeting a bunch of new people. My summer writing class was AWESOME! I got an A, duuhhhhh I is a guud writer.
I think that if I wasn't in such a good place mentally, this year would have been 1000 times worse. But, with my new outlook in life which may or may not be medically induced, I had an amazing summer. I hope the rest of the year is just as good if not better. I don't want to jinx it D:
I didn't really take too many pictures of what I did this summer because I wanted to experience it and not live it through pictures. It was great! Stay off your phones people, and experience the life that is happening right in front of you!
And on that note, I'd like to say that I did such a good job in school this summer, that I got myself a present. That present was a new laptop. I LOVE TECHNOLOGY #hypocrite
In conclusion, you create your own paradise. If you choose to make the best of a situation, I guarantee that everything will be alright. But if you focus on the negative, then your world will be ugly. Yeah, it's hard to be happy when things are going bad but, take it from me; I have had A LOT of lame and bad stuff happen to me this year but it's in the past, move on, life gets better if you make it so.
Create the rules to your own paradise.
Pizza for lyfe.
Wednesday, September 3, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
I Am Fat Princess
I came across this video today. Watch it before you read on. Before and After
My entire life I've been told I'm chubby or fat. My family members would lovingly call me "gordita" which means little fat girl in Spanish. I remember when I was in school we had to weigh ourselves for some stupid class project in the third grade. I obviously was the heaviest person in my class and up until that day, I didn't think or care about my weight. But after the teacher posted our weight next to our names, everyone would come up to me and ask, "You really weigh THAT much?" I remember that day very clearly because I asked myself, as a little third grader, "What's wrong with my weight?" and I thought there was something wrong with me.
I've always loved food and I've always been a good eater. I wasn't always "over weight" but I was a little chubbier than most kids. I've always been quiet and shy, so for most of my school life I had very few friends and I spent most of my time observing other kids. I always had very strong opinions of myself and I never thought myself as fat or overweight or morbidly obese. I just thought of myself as ME, as Maritza. The girl who loves drawing. The girl who loves watching shows about aliens and ghosts even though she gets scared. The girl who plays video games and spends her days reading fantasy novels about dragons. My weight didn't define me in my eyes. But it did defined me through other people's eyes.
To be honest, the only time I ever thought about my weight was when SOMEONE ELSE would bring it up. To be honest, I have always been perfectly content being ME. Yes, I am fat, but I am happy. And as it was illustrated in the video I linked above, you can lose all the weight and be physically "beautiful" according to others, but you can still be unhappy. I can remember pretty clearly all the times others have said that I need to lose weight or I am too fat. My mom took me to two different nutritionists and even signed me up for a trainer at the GYM so I could be thin and fit in I guess. On one of those trips the doctor weighed me and I was at 219lbs. I had actually recently lost some weight because I started playing DDR. I thought I looked pretty good! But the doctor said I needed to lose at least 60lbs. to be normal. I thought he was crazy because I felt perfectly normal.
High school is a rough time for lots of kids because everyone wants to be cool and fit it. I don't know what it was about me but fitting in was not even on my radar. I had my few friends and I was perfectly content. I randomly happened to lose weight in high school because I started working, so instead of spending my days sitting on a couch playing video games, I was walking around and inadvertently getting exercise. People noticed but did that make me more popular? No. Did boys start asking me out? No. Was I happier because I lost weight? No. This only cemented my belief that looks don't matter, what matters is who you are on the inside. I was 16.
As life went on I remained pretty much at the same weight. Although I was fat I still had friends. Although I was fat I still had awesome jobs. Although I was fat I still had super hot boyfriends. Being fat didn't stop me from living my life, because being fat didn't define who I was in my mind, but like always, it defined who I was for other people. My sister told me once that my mom was scared for me because I was getting so fat. I lost boyfriends because they thought I had gained too much weight. I was still the same person, just bigger, and that didn't fly with them.
I am stubborn. I will not do anything for other people if I don't want to. When people would say I had to lose weight I wouldn't listen to them because I was happy with myself. I have always been fat, I am used to my body. I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. I always saw it as THEY felt something was wrong with me. So, it wasn't until -I- realized I was too fat that I decided to change FOR MYSELF.
I think that when you do something for no one other then yourself, then you will be successful. I never thought "OMG I have to lose weight!" I always thought that I just needed to be healthier. This super hawt young bod can only take so much and it's getting old so It's time to cut back on the chips and soda! The funny thing is that even though I was losing weight for myself, I wasn't losing weight fast enough for some people. But what they didn't realize is that I was doing this for myself, not them. I wasn't trying to please them at all. I was doing it FOR ME. So although progress was slow, I was still super happy when I lost just one pound!
You can be skinny and be ugly. You can be all muscles with 7% body fat and be ugly. You can be a celebrity and be ugly. You can be smart and be ugly.
Your beauty, as cliche as this is, comes from within. You can lose weight, build muscle, get plastic surgery and be physically beautiful but that won't change WHO YOU ARE or how you feel about yourself. Don't let other people define who you are.
I have lost weight and I am happy, I was happy when I was 40lbs heavier. My weight doesn't define who I am, even when I am within "normal" weight, I will still be the same person. I will still draw, play video games, read, and watch scary alien shows on TV. I will still feel sad when I see old people on the street and I will smile when I see little kids cry (lolol). My weight doesn't define who I am because no matter what the scale says, I know I'm still super awesome!
The moral of the story is: BE HAPPY with who you are. Be happy with yourself. Because if you are not happy with who you are, how can you make others happy? You are allowed to be selfish. You are allowed to love yourself first before you can even start to love others. Lose weight because you WANT to. Wear make-up because YOU want to. Be smart, go to school, bake a cake! Do these things because YOU WANT TO. And even though you may stumble and fall, do not give up on yourself. You are worth it! Get up, dust yourself off, whistle a little tune and keep going.
Time to have pizza for breakfast! BECAUSE I WANT TO! Because I can!
My entire life I've been told I'm chubby or fat. My family members would lovingly call me "gordita" which means little fat girl in Spanish. I remember when I was in school we had to weigh ourselves for some stupid class project in the third grade. I obviously was the heaviest person in my class and up until that day, I didn't think or care about my weight. But after the teacher posted our weight next to our names, everyone would come up to me and ask, "You really weigh THAT much?" I remember that day very clearly because I asked myself, as a little third grader, "What's wrong with my weight?" and I thought there was something wrong with me.
I've always loved food and I've always been a good eater. I wasn't always "over weight" but I was a little chubbier than most kids. I've always been quiet and shy, so for most of my school life I had very few friends and I spent most of my time observing other kids. I always had very strong opinions of myself and I never thought myself as fat or overweight or morbidly obese. I just thought of myself as ME, as Maritza. The girl who loves drawing. The girl who loves watching shows about aliens and ghosts even though she gets scared. The girl who plays video games and spends her days reading fantasy novels about dragons. My weight didn't define me in my eyes. But it did defined me through other people's eyes.
To be honest, the only time I ever thought about my weight was when SOMEONE ELSE would bring it up. To be honest, I have always been perfectly content being ME. Yes, I am fat, but I am happy. And as it was illustrated in the video I linked above, you can lose all the weight and be physically "beautiful" according to others, but you can still be unhappy. I can remember pretty clearly all the times others have said that I need to lose weight or I am too fat. My mom took me to two different nutritionists and even signed me up for a trainer at the GYM so I could be thin and fit in I guess. On one of those trips the doctor weighed me and I was at 219lbs. I had actually recently lost some weight because I started playing DDR. I thought I looked pretty good! But the doctor said I needed to lose at least 60lbs. to be normal. I thought he was crazy because I felt perfectly normal.
 |
| This is DDR me! |
As life went on I remained pretty much at the same weight. Although I was fat I still had friends. Although I was fat I still had awesome jobs. Although I was fat I still had super hot boyfriends. Being fat didn't stop me from living my life, because being fat didn't define who I was in my mind, but like always, it defined who I was for other people. My sister told me once that my mom was scared for me because I was getting so fat. I lost boyfriends because they thought I had gained too much weight. I was still the same person, just bigger, and that didn't fly with them.
I am stubborn. I will not do anything for other people if I don't want to. When people would say I had to lose weight I wouldn't listen to them because I was happy with myself. I have always been fat, I am used to my body. I didn't think there was anything wrong with me. I always saw it as THEY felt something was wrong with me. So, it wasn't until -I- realized I was too fat that I decided to change FOR MYSELF.
I think that when you do something for no one other then yourself, then you will be successful. I never thought "OMG I have to lose weight!" I always thought that I just needed to be healthier. This super hawt young bod can only take so much and it's getting old so It's time to cut back on the chips and soda! The funny thing is that even though I was losing weight for myself, I wasn't losing weight fast enough for some people. But what they didn't realize is that I was doing this for myself, not them. I wasn't trying to please them at all. I was doing it FOR ME. So although progress was slow, I was still super happy when I lost just one pound!
 |
| At my thinnest I weighed just under 200lbs. Circa 2007 |
Your beauty, as cliche as this is, comes from within. You can lose weight, build muscle, get plastic surgery and be physically beautiful but that won't change WHO YOU ARE or how you feel about yourself. Don't let other people define who you are.
I have lost weight and I am happy, I was happy when I was 40lbs heavier. My weight doesn't define who I am, even when I am within "normal" weight, I will still be the same person. I will still draw, play video games, read, and watch scary alien shows on TV. I will still feel sad when I see old people on the street and I will smile when I see little kids cry (lolol). My weight doesn't define who I am because no matter what the scale says, I know I'm still super awesome!
The moral of the story is: BE HAPPY with who you are. Be happy with yourself. Because if you are not happy with who you are, how can you make others happy? You are allowed to be selfish. You are allowed to love yourself first before you can even start to love others. Lose weight because you WANT to. Wear make-up because YOU want to. Be smart, go to school, bake a cake! Do these things because YOU WANT TO. And even though you may stumble and fall, do not give up on yourself. You are worth it! Get up, dust yourself off, whistle a little tune and keep going.
Time to have pizza for breakfast! BECAUSE I WANT TO! Because I can!
Thursday, May 15, 2014
Love & Loss & Love & loss: The Saga Continues
This is my journey of love (of food) and loss (of weight). It's a tale of struggle, triumph, struggle and getting used to change. So it was...
A million years ago, it seems, I was in the bathroom when I decided to weight myself, ya know, for the fun of it. I stepped on the scale and saw the number. It was the heaviest I had ever been. I wasn't necessarily shocked but it did give me pause. After weighing myself I looked in the mirror. I looked at my body from every angle. I weighed myself again. I cocked my head to one side and wondered, "I should probably try to lose some weight."
At the time I still hadn't had my back surgery so my flexibility was non existent and exercise was out of the question, so I started small. I stopped drinking soda and juices. Eventually Vince got in on the action and started his weight loss journey as well. Thanks to him I learned a lot about cutting back on cheeses, sauces and all those little extra calories that you don't need. I was able to basically keep eating a lot of the same stuff, just modified versions and smaller portion sizes.
After my surgery I started exercising. I absolutely hate traditional exercise like A LOT. So I tried to do non traditional exercises like Just Dance and playing DDR. Eventually Vince and I started playing a lot of basketball which is my most FAVORITE sport EVER. For a while basketball and the elliptical were my only forms of exercise. Vince was completely devoted to his weight loss and life style change so he lost more than 50 lbs while I lagged behind at 30-ish lbs. I was a lot less dedicated than he was.
I kind of gave up on the whole weight loss thing for about a year. I didn't gain the weight back which was good, but I didn't really try to lose anything either. I still didn't really drink any sugary drinks besides soy milk, water, unsweetened iced tea and diet coke. Whenever I went out to eat I would modify my food slightly to reduce my caloric intake i.e. no sauces or cheese.
When I finally decided to get back into it, I got into it HARD. I went to a trainer and she showed me how to tone my body and strengthen my back. I exercise every day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And this time around, I am not really all about losing weight although I am still trying to do that, but my main focus is toning and strengthening my body. Here's my exercise regimen in no particular order.
Just Dance 30-60 minutes
Strength training 60 min
Yoga 30 min
Intense strength/cardio 30 min
Basically I alternate between cardio and strength. So, for example, if I play Just Dance today for 60 min I wont do strength and vice versa. I do, however, do the intense cardio/strength every day. Yoga is random depending on my mood but it helps me stretch which feels super good.
So, the other day I went to Boomers and played DDR for an hour. I felt SO strong and light. I was sweating up a storm but I was not winded like I used to be. My legs felt powerful and it felt good to move so fast! Although I am constantly sore I feel really, really good! My body hasn't changed dramatically since starting this new strength training stuff, BUT, I know that I am losing inches because although the scale stays pretty much the same, all my clothes fit SO MUCH BETTER!
The best day of my life was when I went to the store to get clothes and for the first time in a long time I didn't have to shop in the plus size section. I actually like buying clothes now. I went from an XXXL to just an XL/L. So close to medium LOLOLOL
Since the beginning of this weight loss journey I've dropped two (almost 3) dress sizes! I've lost a total of 41 lbs and I am not even half way to my goal, or to what is considered healthy for my height. But I know I'll get there it will just take time and will power! I think the hardest part for me is that I do not mind indulging. Like, I know I shouldn't have cookies but I do anyway. That's one of the things I have to work on. One once in a while is ok... right? :D
In addition to exercise I also use My Fitness Pal to monitor my caloric intake. Right now it's set at 1250 a day, which is really not that much. Some people actually eat 1200 calories IN ONE MEAL but if you exercise you have to eat a little more which is awesome! Here's a sample of my foods from a couple of days ago:
Breakfast
For the entire day I had 1210 calories. I also eat a lot of bananas and apples so if it's between lunch/dinner and I'm hungry, I will eat fruit. It barely helps with the hunger to be honest but you must suffer for beauty D: The hunger pains have gotten a lot better because the less you eat, the more weight you lose, the less your body needs to fuel itself and your stomach shrinks. So if you're used to eating 5 slices of pizza eventually you can survive on just 2. OMG who am I kidding who can only eat 2 slices of PIZZA?!?!?! Lololol
I am losing weight and making my body strong because I want to be happy with myself and be able to wear cute dresses every day! I actually like the way I look now, which I didn't before. I was sort of naive. I would avoid mirrors because I didn't like the way I looked but I was too lazy to do anything about it. No one is going to change you if you don't want to change. And if you do want to change, do it for yourself, not for anyone else. Now I don't mind mirrors THAT much.
That's me wearing the same jacket! You can't really tell I guess but it's a lot bigger on me now... or I'm a lot smaller in it HA HA HA
Good luck on anyone out there who is also starting or is still continuing their weight loss journey :)
A million years ago, it seems, I was in the bathroom when I decided to weight myself, ya know, for the fun of it. I stepped on the scale and saw the number. It was the heaviest I had ever been. I wasn't necessarily shocked but it did give me pause. After weighing myself I looked in the mirror. I looked at my body from every angle. I weighed myself again. I cocked my head to one side and wondered, "I should probably try to lose some weight."
At the time I still hadn't had my back surgery so my flexibility was non existent and exercise was out of the question, so I started small. I stopped drinking soda and juices. Eventually Vince got in on the action and started his weight loss journey as well. Thanks to him I learned a lot about cutting back on cheeses, sauces and all those little extra calories that you don't need. I was able to basically keep eating a lot of the same stuff, just modified versions and smaller portion sizes.
After my surgery I started exercising. I absolutely hate traditional exercise like A LOT. So I tried to do non traditional exercises like Just Dance and playing DDR. Eventually Vince and I started playing a lot of basketball which is my most FAVORITE sport EVER. For a while basketball and the elliptical were my only forms of exercise. Vince was completely devoted to his weight loss and life style change so he lost more than 50 lbs while I lagged behind at 30-ish lbs. I was a lot less dedicated than he was.
I kind of gave up on the whole weight loss thing for about a year. I didn't gain the weight back which was good, but I didn't really try to lose anything either. I still didn't really drink any sugary drinks besides soy milk, water, unsweetened iced tea and diet coke. Whenever I went out to eat I would modify my food slightly to reduce my caloric intake i.e. no sauces or cheese.
When I finally decided to get back into it, I got into it HARD. I went to a trainer and she showed me how to tone my body and strengthen my back. I exercise every day. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And this time around, I am not really all about losing weight although I am still trying to do that, but my main focus is toning and strengthening my body. Here's my exercise regimen in no particular order.
Just Dance 30-60 minutes
Strength training 60 min
Yoga 30 min
Intense strength/cardio 30 min
Basically I alternate between cardio and strength. So, for example, if I play Just Dance today for 60 min I wont do strength and vice versa. I do, however, do the intense cardio/strength every day. Yoga is random depending on my mood but it helps me stretch which feels super good.
So, the other day I went to Boomers and played DDR for an hour. I felt SO strong and light. I was sweating up a storm but I was not winded like I used to be. My legs felt powerful and it felt good to move so fast! Although I am constantly sore I feel really, really good! My body hasn't changed dramatically since starting this new strength training stuff, BUT, I know that I am losing inches because although the scale stays pretty much the same, all my clothes fit SO MUCH BETTER!
The best day of my life was when I went to the store to get clothes and for the first time in a long time I didn't have to shop in the plus size section. I actually like buying clothes now. I went from an XXXL to just an XL/L. So close to medium LOLOLOL
Since the beginning of this weight loss journey I've dropped two (almost 3) dress sizes! I've lost a total of 41 lbs and I am not even half way to my goal, or to what is considered healthy for my height. But I know I'll get there it will just take time and will power! I think the hardest part for me is that I do not mind indulging. Like, I know I shouldn't have cookies but I do anyway. That's one of the things I have to work on. One once in a while is ok... right? :D
In addition to exercise I also use My Fitness Pal to monitor my caloric intake. Right now it's set at 1250 a day, which is really not that much. Some people actually eat 1200 calories IN ONE MEAL but if you exercise you have to eat a little more which is awesome! Here's a sample of my foods from a couple of days ago:
Breakfast
- A cup of light soy milk
- 1.5 cups of cinnamon toast crunch (this is actually a lot of cereal lololol)
- Cliff bar
- cup of Light soy milk
- Protein powder (for after exercising lololol)
- Chicken breast
- Bell peppers, onions
- French roll
- 1 chocolate chip cookie
For the entire day I had 1210 calories. I also eat a lot of bananas and apples so if it's between lunch/dinner and I'm hungry, I will eat fruit. It barely helps with the hunger to be honest but you must suffer for beauty D: The hunger pains have gotten a lot better because the less you eat, the more weight you lose, the less your body needs to fuel itself and your stomach shrinks. So if you're used to eating 5 slices of pizza eventually you can survive on just 2. OMG who am I kidding who can only eat 2 slices of PIZZA?!?!?! Lololol
I am losing weight and making my body strong because I want to be happy with myself and be able to wear cute dresses every day! I actually like the way I look now, which I didn't before. I was sort of naive. I would avoid mirrors because I didn't like the way I looked but I was too lazy to do anything about it. No one is going to change you if you don't want to change. And if you do want to change, do it for yourself, not for anyone else. Now I don't mind mirrors THAT much.
Before (December 2011)
After (May 2014)
 |
| We so cool in this Cali heat |
Good luck on anyone out there who is also starting or is still continuing their weight loss journey :)
Monday, May 12, 2014
Chapter One
Happy Mother's Day!
Today while getting ready for work I realized two things: 1) I decided to wear the exact same shirt I wore a year ago and 2) It has been a year to the day since my life changed.
Your first thought might have been, "Wait, you remember what you wore a year ago?" I would slowly look up at you, a shadow cast over my eyes and as I whispered, "How could I forget?" (I'm listening to Beethoven and I'm feeling AWESOME lolol)
I don't want to go into the long boring details, so here are some links for your pleasure or if you are bored. Be warned: These are long.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
"The day my life changed" is such a dramatic statement, but it is very true for me. How do I feel a year later? I feel absolutely amazing! It's been one hell of a ride but I think I am better for it and in some weird way I am glad that I experienced what I did but I would NEVER wish it on my worst enemy.
To be even more dramatic, it feels like I have finally broken through the surface of the deepest ocean. At first being on the other side might seem scary because you are in the middle of the ocean all alone, but then you realize that you aren't alone, there are tons of people waiting for you at the shore line, you just have to make your way back to them.
I am not ashamed to share this story with you, my beautiful reader, because I want anyone out there who is suffering the way I was to know that there is help and you WILL get better as long as you don't give up on yourself. As my mom would say, "Who will love you more than you can love yourself?" The answer is NO ONE. Always love, protect and take care of yourself first.
It's strange to think about all that has happened in a year, but as I sit here and read these old blog posts and think about what has transpired, instead of feeling sad I feel so much relief. I am glad that part of my life is over and now a brand new chapter is starting! It will not be Chapter Six though, but Chapter One in my new Book of Adventures :)
In other news, I got a new kitten! His name is Mallow in honor of Nimbus. Nimbus was named after Nimbusland in Super Mario RPG. Mallow, a fluffy cloud person, is the prince of Nimbusland except he doesn't know it yet. He actually thinks he's a tadpole lol. Mallow is a white and grey kitten that I rescued from the ghetto. He is so gentle and cuddly. He is my little buddy! He sleeps when I sleep and jumps around dangerously close to my feet while I play Just Dance. He's only two months old OMG he is so cuuuute!
Summer is coming and with that comes the disgustingly hot winds of change. No matter what, I will face all new changes with a smile because life is short, no need to spend your time cranky.
There's no point in dwelling in a dark past when the future is so much brighter.
Today while getting ready for work I realized two things: 1) I decided to wear the exact same shirt I wore a year ago and 2) It has been a year to the day since my life changed.
Your first thought might have been, "Wait, you remember what you wore a year ago?" I would slowly look up at you, a shadow cast over my eyes and as I whispered, "How could I forget?" (I'm listening to Beethoven and I'm feeling AWESOME lolol)
I don't want to go into the long boring details, so here are some links for your pleasure or if you are bored. Be warned: These are long.
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
"The day my life changed" is such a dramatic statement, but it is very true for me. How do I feel a year later? I feel absolutely amazing! It's been one hell of a ride but I think I am better for it and in some weird way I am glad that I experienced what I did but I would NEVER wish it on my worst enemy.
To be even more dramatic, it feels like I have finally broken through the surface of the deepest ocean. At first being on the other side might seem scary because you are in the middle of the ocean all alone, but then you realize that you aren't alone, there are tons of people waiting for you at the shore line, you just have to make your way back to them.
I am not ashamed to share this story with you, my beautiful reader, because I want anyone out there who is suffering the way I was to know that there is help and you WILL get better as long as you don't give up on yourself. As my mom would say, "Who will love you more than you can love yourself?" The answer is NO ONE. Always love, protect and take care of yourself first.
It's strange to think about all that has happened in a year, but as I sit here and read these old blog posts and think about what has transpired, instead of feeling sad I feel so much relief. I am glad that part of my life is over and now a brand new chapter is starting! It will not be Chapter Six though, but Chapter One in my new Book of Adventures :)
In other news, I got a new kitten! His name is Mallow in honor of Nimbus. Nimbus was named after Nimbusland in Super Mario RPG. Mallow, a fluffy cloud person, is the prince of Nimbusland except he doesn't know it yet. He actually thinks he's a tadpole lol. Mallow is a white and grey kitten that I rescued from the ghetto. He is so gentle and cuddly. He is my little buddy! He sleeps when I sleep and jumps around dangerously close to my feet while I play Just Dance. He's only two months old OMG he is so cuuuute!
Summer is coming and with that comes the disgustingly hot winds of change. No matter what, I will face all new changes with a smile because life is short, no need to spend your time cranky.
There's no point in dwelling in a dark past when the future is so much brighter.
Wednesday, April 30, 2014
For a Thousand More
It's been 4 years since I moved to Orange County and since I started this blog chronicling my adventures up here. Looking through the archives bring back a mix of emotions. The good, the bad and the amazing.
It feels like I shattered into a thousand pieces, and everyone is trying to piece me back together but they don't really know where to put what. Meanwhile the most important piece is missing anyway so it wont even matter in the end.
Everyone says time heals all wounds and I know this to be true. But I wish time would move faster. And I wish I would stop waking up at 5am expecting the impossible because in the wake of that split second of hope, comes a wave of loneliness and sadness.
I'll love you for a thousand more.
It feels like I shattered into a thousand pieces, and everyone is trying to piece me back together but they don't really know where to put what. Meanwhile the most important piece is missing anyway so it wont even matter in the end.
Everyone says time heals all wounds and I know this to be true. But I wish time would move faster. And I wish I would stop waking up at 5am expecting the impossible because in the wake of that split second of hope, comes a wave of loneliness and sadness.
I'll love you for a thousand more.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Light as a Feather
My last post talked about my anxiety and how I was dealing with it back in September of 2013. Here is what happened in the last few months of 2013 through the present.
All was going well back in early September. I was able to go to Disneyland that day and have a great time. I was doing well in school and work was work. But towards the end of the year, out of no where, I got really sick. I don't know if I was REALLY sick but I felt so out of it. I felt fuzzy and weird and I was sick to my stomach. At one point I got dat crazy mud butt so I stopped eating and I only drank water. You see, the reason I have anxiety is because I have a phobia of throwing up. So when I started having stomach pain I started to freak out because every time I have any sort of stomach discomfort I think "This is it! I'm going to throw up!" It got to the point that I was so tired of feeling sick that I just stood in front of the toilet just waiting for it to happen. But nothing would come up.
After finally thinking that I felt better, I went back to my routine. But I started having severe panic attacks at work. This was around December of 2013. I could not go to work, I would panic while I was in class. I couldn't even attend my classes anymore so I missed my finals and failed which added to my anxiety and dread. I finally decided that enough was enough. I had worked through my anxiety on my own so far becuase I thought I was strong enough but I was not. So I made the decision one day to call a psychologist. I didn't want to go to a psychiatrist because they only want to shove drugs down your throat. I finally made the appointment and went to see the doctor. The day I went I felt really gross and weird, out of it as usual and I didn't want to be there but I forced myself to go.
My doctor looked like Sugourney Weaver. She had that mean look but the kind and helpful manner about her, ya know? Very Sugorney. I told her about my problems and we talked about it and I told her that I didn't want to be on medication but she said that I probably needed to be on antidepressants. That was the first time through all of this that I thought about depression. How could I be depressed? I didn't feel sad or anything I just felt anxious and scared. I was a little put off by that but I decided I would look into it. That evening I had to go to work. While at work I had a panic attack and I had to go home. It was that same day that I called my doctor and made an appointment to be on antidepressants.
I got the medication towards the end of December but I did not start taking them until after Vince's birthday. I didn't want the medicine to make me feel sick and ruin his b-day but that didn't matter because I ruined it anyway with my anxiety and fear and now sadness. I was also afraid to take the medicine because I was afraid it would make me sick. I was also afraid that when I started taking them, it would officially make me one of those sad looking people in those antidepressant commercials. I would officially be known as that depressed girl.
At around the same time I joined an on-line chat room/forum called Anxiety Zone. I talked to a lot of people who felt the same was I did and who understood what I was going through. There were people there who suffered from all sorts of mental and physical health issues. There was one girl who would spend most of her day in the bathroom because she associated it with cleanliness and she was a germaphobe. She would also shower like 20 times a day so she could remain clean. When I talked to people like that I felt fortunate that I did not have THAT problem. But still, I felt bad for everyone there because I knew what they were going through and it was not a good feeling.
I read up on my medication and learned about it's side affects and what not which made me not want to take it, but with the help of Vince and the people on the forums I managed to take the pills every day. I took them at night before bed so if I DID have side affects it would happen while I was at home. The only side affects I had were headaches and sleepiness, which was good since I was taking them at night. According to the literature provided with the medication, and this is common with all antidepressants, it's full affects can be felt between 2 weeks to two months after you begin taking it. That's also a problem for most people who suffer from depression because they are in such a dark place and all they want is immediate help that when they don't get it, they feel hopeless.
I felt hopeless at the time. I felt like I would never feel normal. I felt like a zombie. And the worst part about it is that I couldn't take time away from work or school to feel better, I just had to put on my happy face and go about my business pretending that I was happy and OK when in reality I was dying inside. It sounds dramatic but depression is an awful thing. This really helps explain how depression feels. A lot of people don't get help because there is a stigma with being depressed and taking medication for it. People who have never been depressed do not know how horrible it feels. Being depressed isn't being sad and crying all the time. Being genuinely depressed makes you want to die. My depression stemmed from my phobia which turned into my anxiety which then turned into depression because I was always afraid.
I was one of the lucky ones. The medication started taking affect on my poor dark brain within 5 days. As the weeks progressed I started to see the light of day with excitement instead of cowering in a dark corner. How do I describe MY anxiety filled brain? Imagine thinking about the things that scares you the most 24/7 and having it consume your every brain cell. I CONSTANTLY thought about the time I threw up as a kid and how scared I was. Although throwing up scares the CRAP out of me (literally back when I the mad food poisoning that destroyed my psyche) it was ALL I could think about. ALL THE FREAKING TIME. From waking up to falling asleep. All I thought about was puking.
It went something like this: "I wonder if eating this sand which will make me throw up? Is the bread moldy? I hope the meat is fresh. I better check the expiration date on all this food just to make sure it's not rotten. Ugh I better wash my hands that door knob was filthy. What if the germs get from my hands to my food and then make me sick? OMG is that person throwing up? I hope they're not gonna throw up. Oh lordy. What did I eat that day I got sick 16 years ago? I had an egg sand which, some cereal. I wonder what part of it made me sick. It was probably the eggs. Let me just go ahead and re-live the entire event JUST to make sure I didn't forget something." So on and so forth. 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
About a month or so into the medication I was at work walking around pretending to be busy when the strangest thing happened. It was so off putting that I actually had to sit down and think abut it. As I was walking to the office at work I had this thought. I forget exactly WHAT I was thinking but I know I was thinking about Vince and the thought made me smile. And most importantly of all, it made me HAPPY. It had been SO long since I had smiled because of something I was thinking. It was a real, true smile, not my usual forced smiles. That was the turning point I think. Mentally, it got better and better. I rarely had panic attacks any more and I started thinking about other things besides throwing up.
I have been on the medication now for 4 months which doesn't seem like a long time but to me, it feels like an eternity since I was at my lowest point. Now that I am outside looking in, so to speak, I realize just how low I actually was. I was so miserable. One time suicide came up in conversation and someone said they couldn't understand how people could kill themselves. I said that, although I wouldn't do it, I do understand why people would do it. When you feel the way that I felt, and if those people felt that way too, then that's a scary thing. It's like being in a pit of despair. There was a point back then when I wished I was dead. Not gonna lie. That's a scary thing. I wished that a car would hit me or something happened where I could just stop suffering. That's such a sad thought to have.
Now I feel SO MUCH BETTER! I think that the medication has taken full affect on my brain. It's like all my brain cells are having a party and none of them are throwing up! I have three more months of the medication left. I will then go talk to my psychologist again and see if I can be weaned off of it. It's a scary thought to have to stop taking this miracle drug that has made me feel normal again. But I know now that if things start to get bad again, and hopefully they don't, I can always seek medical help. It sucks that I have to take pills but sometimes the chemistry in our body is out of whack and the medicine helps make you feel better.
Someone on the anxiety zone forums once posted that their antidepressant saved their life. At the time I thought that was stupid of them to say. But I now 100% agree with that statement. If I had not gone on medication, I don't know what would have happened to me. I am so thankful for the people in my life who helped me through this, mainly Vince, my mom and my sister.
During my most depressed times I pushed a lot of people away, especially my friends. I avoided all social outings as much as possible and I caged myself behind my irrational fear of the world. Although I am better now, I have to still escape this social prison. The door is open I just have to take the first step through the thresh hold.
Now I know that my smiles are true. Now I know that my happiness is real. I am no longer faking. I am no longer afraid.
And with that, I leave you with this poem.
Every day at 11:11 I wished that you would love me
Every day before bed I tell you I love you in my head
Maybe one day you will
Maybe one day I will be brave
It's so lovely when dreams come true
All was going well back in early September. I was able to go to Disneyland that day and have a great time. I was doing well in school and work was work. But towards the end of the year, out of no where, I got really sick. I don't know if I was REALLY sick but I felt so out of it. I felt fuzzy and weird and I was sick to my stomach. At one point I got dat crazy mud butt so I stopped eating and I only drank water. You see, the reason I have anxiety is because I have a phobia of throwing up. So when I started having stomach pain I started to freak out because every time I have any sort of stomach discomfort I think "This is it! I'm going to throw up!" It got to the point that I was so tired of feeling sick that I just stood in front of the toilet just waiting for it to happen. But nothing would come up.
After finally thinking that I felt better, I went back to my routine. But I started having severe panic attacks at work. This was around December of 2013. I could not go to work, I would panic while I was in class. I couldn't even attend my classes anymore so I missed my finals and failed which added to my anxiety and dread. I finally decided that enough was enough. I had worked through my anxiety on my own so far becuase I thought I was strong enough but I was not. So I made the decision one day to call a psychologist. I didn't want to go to a psychiatrist because they only want to shove drugs down your throat. I finally made the appointment and went to see the doctor. The day I went I felt really gross and weird, out of it as usual and I didn't want to be there but I forced myself to go.
My doctor looked like Sugourney Weaver. She had that mean look but the kind and helpful manner about her, ya know? Very Sugorney. I told her about my problems and we talked about it and I told her that I didn't want to be on medication but she said that I probably needed to be on antidepressants. That was the first time through all of this that I thought about depression. How could I be depressed? I didn't feel sad or anything I just felt anxious and scared. I was a little put off by that but I decided I would look into it. That evening I had to go to work. While at work I had a panic attack and I had to go home. It was that same day that I called my doctor and made an appointment to be on antidepressants.
I got the medication towards the end of December but I did not start taking them until after Vince's birthday. I didn't want the medicine to make me feel sick and ruin his b-day but that didn't matter because I ruined it anyway with my anxiety and fear and now sadness. I was also afraid to take the medicine because I was afraid it would make me sick. I was also afraid that when I started taking them, it would officially make me one of those sad looking people in those antidepressant commercials. I would officially be known as that depressed girl.
At around the same time I joined an on-line chat room/forum called Anxiety Zone. I talked to a lot of people who felt the same was I did and who understood what I was going through. There were people there who suffered from all sorts of mental and physical health issues. There was one girl who would spend most of her day in the bathroom because she associated it with cleanliness and she was a germaphobe. She would also shower like 20 times a day so she could remain clean. When I talked to people like that I felt fortunate that I did not have THAT problem. But still, I felt bad for everyone there because I knew what they were going through and it was not a good feeling.
I read up on my medication and learned about it's side affects and what not which made me not want to take it, but with the help of Vince and the people on the forums I managed to take the pills every day. I took them at night before bed so if I DID have side affects it would happen while I was at home. The only side affects I had were headaches and sleepiness, which was good since I was taking them at night. According to the literature provided with the medication, and this is common with all antidepressants, it's full affects can be felt between 2 weeks to two months after you begin taking it. That's also a problem for most people who suffer from depression because they are in such a dark place and all they want is immediate help that when they don't get it, they feel hopeless.
I felt hopeless at the time. I felt like I would never feel normal. I felt like a zombie. And the worst part about it is that I couldn't take time away from work or school to feel better, I just had to put on my happy face and go about my business pretending that I was happy and OK when in reality I was dying inside. It sounds dramatic but depression is an awful thing. This really helps explain how depression feels. A lot of people don't get help because there is a stigma with being depressed and taking medication for it. People who have never been depressed do not know how horrible it feels. Being depressed isn't being sad and crying all the time. Being genuinely depressed makes you want to die. My depression stemmed from my phobia which turned into my anxiety which then turned into depression because I was always afraid.
I was one of the lucky ones. The medication started taking affect on my poor dark brain within 5 days. As the weeks progressed I started to see the light of day with excitement instead of cowering in a dark corner. How do I describe MY anxiety filled brain? Imagine thinking about the things that scares you the most 24/7 and having it consume your every brain cell. I CONSTANTLY thought about the time I threw up as a kid and how scared I was. Although throwing up scares the CRAP out of me (literally back when I the mad food poisoning that destroyed my psyche) it was ALL I could think about. ALL THE FREAKING TIME. From waking up to falling asleep. All I thought about was puking.
It went something like this: "I wonder if eating this sand which will make me throw up? Is the bread moldy? I hope the meat is fresh. I better check the expiration date on all this food just to make sure it's not rotten. Ugh I better wash my hands that door knob was filthy. What if the germs get from my hands to my food and then make me sick? OMG is that person throwing up? I hope they're not gonna throw up. Oh lordy. What did I eat that day I got sick 16 years ago? I had an egg sand which, some cereal. I wonder what part of it made me sick. It was probably the eggs. Let me just go ahead and re-live the entire event JUST to make sure I didn't forget something." So on and so forth. 24 hours a day, 365 days a year.
About a month or so into the medication I was at work walking around pretending to be busy when the strangest thing happened. It was so off putting that I actually had to sit down and think abut it. As I was walking to the office at work I had this thought. I forget exactly WHAT I was thinking but I know I was thinking about Vince and the thought made me smile. And most importantly of all, it made me HAPPY. It had been SO long since I had smiled because of something I was thinking. It was a real, true smile, not my usual forced smiles. That was the turning point I think. Mentally, it got better and better. I rarely had panic attacks any more and I started thinking about other things besides throwing up.
I have been on the medication now for 4 months which doesn't seem like a long time but to me, it feels like an eternity since I was at my lowest point. Now that I am outside looking in, so to speak, I realize just how low I actually was. I was so miserable. One time suicide came up in conversation and someone said they couldn't understand how people could kill themselves. I said that, although I wouldn't do it, I do understand why people would do it. When you feel the way that I felt, and if those people felt that way too, then that's a scary thing. It's like being in a pit of despair. There was a point back then when I wished I was dead. Not gonna lie. That's a scary thing. I wished that a car would hit me or something happened where I could just stop suffering. That's such a sad thought to have.
Now I feel SO MUCH BETTER! I think that the medication has taken full affect on my brain. It's like all my brain cells are having a party and none of them are throwing up! I have three more months of the medication left. I will then go talk to my psychologist again and see if I can be weaned off of it. It's a scary thought to have to stop taking this miracle drug that has made me feel normal again. But I know now that if things start to get bad again, and hopefully they don't, I can always seek medical help. It sucks that I have to take pills but sometimes the chemistry in our body is out of whack and the medicine helps make you feel better.
Someone on the anxiety zone forums once posted that their antidepressant saved their life. At the time I thought that was stupid of them to say. But I now 100% agree with that statement. If I had not gone on medication, I don't know what would have happened to me. I am so thankful for the people in my life who helped me through this, mainly Vince, my mom and my sister.
During my most depressed times I pushed a lot of people away, especially my friends. I avoided all social outings as much as possible and I caged myself behind my irrational fear of the world. Although I am better now, I have to still escape this social prison. The door is open I just have to take the first step through the thresh hold.
Now I know that my smiles are true. Now I know that my happiness is real. I am no longer faking. I am no longer afraid.
And with that, I leave you with this poem.
Every day at 11:11 I wished that you would love me
Every day before bed I tell you I love you in my head
Maybe one day you will
Maybe one day I will be brave
It's so lovely when dreams come true
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
2013 Recap
2013 got bad real fast. I was thinking about this end of year blog today and I couldn't really think of anything that stood out for me that was good. I did a lot of things, I went to a lot of places. But the only thing I could think about was how miserable I've been these past several months. But through the fog of pain and misery (dramatic much?) there was one thing that was a constant and was always a beacon in the darkness of my soul (uugghh lolol) and that was Vince.
WARNING: The following paragraph(s) are going to be sappy. Read at your own risk. Barf buckets will not be provided.
I am suddenly hungry.
This is going to sound like an exaggeration but the best thing to happen to me in my whole entire life, besides this sweet computer that I am currently computing on, is to have Vince as a friend. My life was a blur of laziness and endless days of not bathing due to gaming so hard before I met him. But then Vince came along and he made me think of things I had never thought about before, expanding my mind to the wonders of this world. In other words, he helped me become an adult... and I use that term loosely. I took a leap of faith by moving up here to Orange County with him but I knew that wherever I went, it would be better than the situation I was in before I moved. I was scared, I was lonely at first, and I was a little lost, but then everything came together and it all made sense.
Now, 4 years later, I am somewhere I never thought I would be. I have a job that pays me well, I am going to school (the progress is slow on that front) and I now have goals and aspirations. The best thing about Vince is that he pushes me to be a better person, not for him or anyone else, but for myself. When I think back at 2013, the only good part about it is him. He has stuck by me through thick and thin and sometimes I am amazed by how awesome he is and how lucky I am to have him as my best friend and boyfriend :3 I am also surprised he hasn't ripped all his hair out due to frustration because I can be very hard to motivate.
I wish there was a way for me to bottle all the nice things I feel for him and how grateful I am for having him in my life. I would give him the bottle (mason jar cuz I'm fancy) and he could put it on a bookshelf. He would use it to light up the room because the intensity of my feelings for him will burn brighter and hotter than the nanosecond a dying star becomes a supernova. Stephen Hawking would get a raging brain boner at the sight of the mason jar and he would write a book about it and it would read, "Never in my many years of studying astrophysics have I encountered anything more beautiful that that of this mason jar filled with all the love in the world. There is nothing more mysterious and pure as this." and it would sell millions of copies.
Here's to an amazingly epic 2014, where my spirit of adventure will soar and Vince will be my Carl Fredrickson... I guess I will be Ellie, but, ya know... less old and dead D: LOLOL
The End
WARNING: The following paragraph(s) are going to be sappy. Read at your own risk. Barf buckets will not be provided.
I am suddenly hungry.
This is going to sound like an exaggeration but the best thing to happen to me in my whole entire life, besides this sweet computer that I am currently computing on, is to have Vince as a friend. My life was a blur of laziness and endless days of not bathing due to gaming so hard before I met him. But then Vince came along and he made me think of things I had never thought about before, expanding my mind to the wonders of this world. In other words, he helped me become an adult... and I use that term loosely. I took a leap of faith by moving up here to Orange County with him but I knew that wherever I went, it would be better than the situation I was in before I moved. I was scared, I was lonely at first, and I was a little lost, but then everything came together and it all made sense.
Now, 4 years later, I am somewhere I never thought I would be. I have a job that pays me well, I am going to school (the progress is slow on that front) and I now have goals and aspirations. The best thing about Vince is that he pushes me to be a better person, not for him or anyone else, but for myself. When I think back at 2013, the only good part about it is him. He has stuck by me through thick and thin and sometimes I am amazed by how awesome he is and how lucky I am to have him as my best friend and boyfriend :3 I am also surprised he hasn't ripped all his hair out due to frustration because I can be very hard to motivate.
I wish there was a way for me to bottle all the nice things I feel for him and how grateful I am for having him in my life. I would give him the bottle (mason jar cuz I'm fancy) and he could put it on a bookshelf. He would use it to light up the room because the intensity of my feelings for him will burn brighter and hotter than the nanosecond a dying star becomes a supernova. Stephen Hawking would get a raging brain boner at the sight of the mason jar and he would write a book about it and it would read, "Never in my many years of studying astrophysics have I encountered anything more beautiful that that of this mason jar filled with all the love in the world. There is nothing more mysterious and pure as this." and it would sell millions of copies.
The End
Thursday, January 2, 2014
My Vegan Life
A couple of weeks ago Vince decided that we should go vegetarian. He said it was for health reasons and also for the poor animals. I agreed to go a long with it because I had nothing better to do. I agree with the health reasons of the decision because it does force us to think about our meals more. It also forces us to find alternatives for everything and taco/burger runs in the middle of the night are no longer possible. It was my horrible misfortune that about 3 days into this new lifestyle I was told by my doctor that I had to cut dairy completely out of my diet, thus rendering me a reluctant vegan.
I am more sad that I can't hair dairy than meat because in the back of my mind I KNOW that if I really wanted to, I COULD eat meat whenever I wanted. But dairy, I can pretty much never touch again in my life. I LOVE milk and cheese and yogurt and everything good to eat on this planet that contains milk. Like cake. And cupcakes and brownies and soups. As a kid, I could down two tall glasses of milk and half a package of cookies in one sitting. And as my mom always said, "That's why you are the way you are!" in regards to my pudgy self. It was a well known fact that I loved milk to the point where when I DIDN'T enjoy two or more glasses of milk something must be wrong with me.
Anywho, when I was in middle school my mom took my sister and I to the doctor's office for, what I remember, no apparent reason. She did this a lot. He asked us if there was anything that was bothering us and I told him about my bum knee and he said I would "grow out of it" which I never did and it still hurts. The second thing was that I always had stomach aches. He asked me if I had a lot of milk and cheese and I told him HELL YEAH! He said that I could be lactose intolerant and to lay off the dairy for a while. Then after a few days to have some and see what happened. I smiled sweetly and said ok but in my mind I knew he was a crazy and I only kind of tried his experiment. I didn't even have to try very hard though because I knew it was the milk that upset my stomach and caused me stomach aches. I remember having ice cream one day. The spoon has barely touched my mouth and I immediately had gas LOLOL. But I didn't care, I loved milk way too much!!!
Fast forward to the present and the stomach pains were feeding my paranoia so I had to quit milk completely. Combined with the no meat lifestyle of a vegetarian I had unwillingly become the one thing I despise most in the world (sorry guys): a vegan. It's easy to be vegetarian, but another thing completely to be that AND not have dairy. I can't have certain soups, sandwiches or smoothies. I can only eat one thing from any restaurant. And I'll be damned if I ever eat a salad! The only thing I can have that I enjoy is eggs. And GODDAMN do I devour those eggs like there's no tomorrow! Or like they're made of the freshest milk on the planet.
Anyway, someone at work told me about vegan cheese and I am trying that out. It sucks that I can't have dairy but there are a lot of foods out there, like vegan cheese, made for poor souls like me whose stomachs don't work right. Being vegetarian definitely limits the foods you can eat, but in the long run what you do eat is a lot healthier. Unless it's fries... guess I should cut back on the fries.
THE END
I am more sad that I can't hair dairy than meat because in the back of my mind I KNOW that if I really wanted to, I COULD eat meat whenever I wanted. But dairy, I can pretty much never touch again in my life. I LOVE milk and cheese and yogurt and everything good to eat on this planet that contains milk. Like cake. And cupcakes and brownies and soups. As a kid, I could down two tall glasses of milk and half a package of cookies in one sitting. And as my mom always said, "That's why you are the way you are!" in regards to my pudgy self. It was a well known fact that I loved milk to the point where when I DIDN'T enjoy two or more glasses of milk something must be wrong with me.
Anywho, when I was in middle school my mom took my sister and I to the doctor's office for, what I remember, no apparent reason. She did this a lot. He asked us if there was anything that was bothering us and I told him about my bum knee and he said I would "grow out of it" which I never did and it still hurts. The second thing was that I always had stomach aches. He asked me if I had a lot of milk and cheese and I told him HELL YEAH! He said that I could be lactose intolerant and to lay off the dairy for a while. Then after a few days to have some and see what happened. I smiled sweetly and said ok but in my mind I knew he was a crazy and I only kind of tried his experiment. I didn't even have to try very hard though because I knew it was the milk that upset my stomach and caused me stomach aches. I remember having ice cream one day. The spoon has barely touched my mouth and I immediately had gas LOLOL. But I didn't care, I loved milk way too much!!!
Fast forward to the present and the stomach pains were feeding my paranoia so I had to quit milk completely. Combined with the no meat lifestyle of a vegetarian I had unwillingly become the one thing I despise most in the world (sorry guys): a vegan. It's easy to be vegetarian, but another thing completely to be that AND not have dairy. I can't have certain soups, sandwiches or smoothies. I can only eat one thing from any restaurant. And I'll be damned if I ever eat a salad! The only thing I can have that I enjoy is eggs. And GODDAMN do I devour those eggs like there's no tomorrow! Or like they're made of the freshest milk on the planet.
Anyway, someone at work told me about vegan cheese and I am trying that out. It sucks that I can't have dairy but there are a lot of foods out there, like vegan cheese, made for poor souls like me whose stomachs don't work right. Being vegetarian definitely limits the foods you can eat, but in the long run what you do eat is a lot healthier. Unless it's fries... guess I should cut back on the fries.
THE END
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